what a happy chu 2 day with my family ...
what the hell luhs .
i just realised and know that no matter how much i try im still the one they see me .
i don't freaking care about what others see me as .
but i don't understand im her precious daughter .
im there when she needed help ,
we learn how to save up money to help her over seas ,
we tolerate all her spendings and never produce a single noise .
she treats my mom like a ATM .
and myself ? you'll be more than sad to know in the end .
i can't simply accept the fact that no matter how much i love my mom ,
no matter how much i care for her ,
she sees and knows it ..
she still treat me like a dumb .
she thinks that my future can only be helping out in her stalls .
chicken rice stall , mind you .
and she feels that its a waste thing to let me study any course .
she says this " who do you think you are ? no matter how much you pretend you are still a paikia inside ! how long can you act ? "
i can feel the whole world is laughing at me when she says that .
and i felt really dissapointed .
at that minute my heart really collapsed .
she thinks that I'm pretending all these while ...
my sister is studying overseas ?
so what ?
she's still a shrimp after all , can i say this ?
but no , she's a dragon in front of my mom .
or should i say she's pretending ?
my mom knows that she never excel much over there .
in fact she feels she's worst .
mind you , she still complain to me .
and yet , when she's back ..
she give her money even if she don't have enough money for herself .
having herself still in dept .
she still shines a smile in front of her plasma tv face .
she tolerate what ever attitude she gives when she come back .
HOW BIAS ?
whatever my sister do is best .
and me ?
i thought i'm in a competition of winning my elder sister .
yesterday i thought , i've a already lost before the race .
and i'll never overtake her .
and thats how unfair life can go .
teach me how to throw away all this in a minute .
cause it's killing me .