I can't speak .
I can't sleep .
I can't think .
I can't weep .




man ,
i feel like cutting my hair lehs .
feel like cutting my hair short .
cutting a pointed n in the middle of my fringe .
then rebond my hair straight.
can wax my hair like nobody's business with wax and stylo milo bantino .
but look super not su nv . mommy surely kill me .



my SA1 dint go well ,
i fail my math paper .
didn't got distinction or top in class .
just realised that I've really yet to study well enough .
maybe i should pay more attention ?
sometimes , i really don't understand what's wrong .
i put in so much effort man .
first time cried for my results .
felt so heart aching .
hais , guess no one feel the way like me .
was even more upset , when my friend told me that he copied my answers during Chinese paper .
and he scored the same with me !
i cried like ..
hais , more over ..
my super unfair F&N teacher ..
hais , life is always unfair . so i shan't say much bahs ?
i find myself wondering around .
with that disappointment .
come home , have alot more stuff to do .
still have to face my unreasonable mother .
i really tried my best to satisfy her .
but whatever i do , did or done ..
will just be shouted at , thrown away or !@#$@%@#$@@##!!
i really don't understand why .
i told her that I'd rather we stop talking than quarrel .
i felt super lousy .
i really feel so tired .
don't feel like explaining myself anymore .
tired of crying , tired of everything .


i enter my room , look at myself in the mirror .
i see myself as a sun flower .
raising my heads up high to the sun .
following the light .
or rather , avoiding the darkness .
not looking on the left or right . just the sun (:


i saw my tired eyes in the mirror .
the things i used to see in the past .
filthy languages , bloody fights , my helpless self in the dark , the hatreds , the lies , the betrayers and the heart breakers .
i see myself in the past chasing after freedom .
searching back the innocence .
looking back for the love i use to have.
and found the only one person i can find peace in His arms.
He held me up at my lowest point of life .
pulled me through away from past .
love and understand me .
accept me for who i was and am .
gave me the opportunity to live again (:
I've said this alot of times , but i want to say again .



His name is Jesus .
He's my Lord and savior .
He's my father and best friend .
He's my dictionary .
He's my hiding place .
He's my remedy (:


yes ,
i can't live anymore happy without his presence .
i can't smile without his comfort .
i can't sleep without a single prayers with him .
i can't love without his love and mercy .
i can't find my way without him . he's my campus of life .






so why lock yourself away from the light .
be a sunflower today (:
sweet and beautiful like me .
Cherlyn (x