Kinno 13/03/2002-15/08/2013

Kinno's vet doctor just rang me up to do an follow up on kinno's progress. I told him kinno had passed on and to his supprise he was shocked that it was so soon. He didnt insisted to put kinno on drip when he havent been eating for more than a week, i was confused and so i ask him why.(not because im trying to blame him for kinno's death, but simply i want to know why?) & here's his explanation.. First of all, kinno is still drinking water which was good and even if we put him on drips, it wouldn't help him at all. As he was too skinny, weighing at only 7kgs when his usual weight was 9kgs, the only intervention they could do was to make him eat and boost his energy up in order to commence Kinno's chemotherapy. And he furthered his curiosity on kinno's condition on wednesday which was the day before kinno left. Kinno woke up at 530am on wednesday woke me up and requested me to walk him as usual and to my surprised he managed to walk the whole park but was really slow. he even climbed the stairs up. he had his medicine as usual and had 2 syringes of his supplements. In the late evening, Ahda my cousin, his childhood buddy came to visit him, kinno was behaving as lerthargic and was sleeping. he was active later when everyone was eating mangoes because mango was one of his favourite fruits. My cousin then left at 10. Kinno then walked into my room himself without me carrying him to find me. i was so impressed and i started to praise him.He slept in his bed..Looking at his face while he sleeps, i began to pray for him in tongues and hoping God could heal him of all diseases and there is no pain or suffering in Jesus name..I made him nod his head to say Amen when finishing my prayers. I then decided to play some worship songs to encourage him we were listening to "I will rise" by Chris Tomblin before we sleep. At 3am, my mom came into my room to pat him in his bed, he even looked at her. At 5am, he moved himself to the ground and he howled really loudly for twice, I attended to him calling his name " Kinno, kinno!" and started praying " Lord, i lift up kinno in your hands, there is no pain suffering in jesus name..i commit kinno in your hands!!!" Kinno then began to gasp for air. At the 3rd time he gasp for air, his heart stopped ceased beating. The doctor was shocked of kinno's performance and how he persisted of having to leave the earth with so much dignity.He even remarked that out of so many dogs he've seen, he's one that he have seen who can have so much connection with humans. He even explained to me kinno's condition to me from the ultra scan honestly.. He explained that the tumour in his prostate had spread throughout his abdominal area. His intestines, we thickened , his liver was enlarged and one of his kidney was also noticed as a shape of irregular size. Other vet dotors would have recommended me to put him down as there are no further treatment or appropriate test to be done, he didnt want to and know i wont thats why he encouraged me to continue to feed him with liquid food. Hoping he would be able to do chemo.He then shared with me that normally, any other dogs with his cancer condition would have been in coma or turned blind or keep vommiting blood, but kinno was so positive and would still drink his water when i offer him to drink from the running tab.Which i always thank god for... As i've always been encouraged by him in my low times, while he is sick, i never fail to tell him that he is healed in jesus name and there is no pain or suffering in jesus name..I thank God for his posivitism that i had planted in him to keep him strong and not giving up even at his last breath.. Lastly, Below is my letter to heaven for kinno: Dear Kinno, I hope you have reach the place at rainbow bridge and met Qzai and your other friends. Please enjoy your favourite bread and fruits as much as you like while you await for me to fetch you to heaven when i passed on on earth. Kinno all words and things may pass away, but your memory in my heart will never pass away. Your heart and flesh may fail, but im glad and proud of you that you can finally say "It is well!" I never stopped looking out for you.. Every morning when i wake up, I would stretch my hand out for you expecting you to request for gaigai.. I will still seek you underneath my bed where you like to hide.. But you are no longer around.. My heart aches, and am in my deepest sorrow.. i cant stop crying for losing you..Kinno, I really miss you and i really wish i can be dead to go and join you to look after you.. I have been living dead, without you i realised im really nothing.. Who's going to be there to lick away my tears when im sad and heart brokened? There's no one who can replace you in my heart. Your presence and memory can be found and reminded at every corner of the house.. I miss you so so so much.. Please do not forsake me and please wait for me.. Till we meet again.. I love you, & you're greatly missed at home.. Rest in peace my darling.. Hugs and lots of kisses.. Mei

I just completed my assigment on conflict management. Hoping my efforts will pay me off well, this time! Am begging for a great escape.. BADLY... Till then, Heres praying for kinno to get well soon. & a new desktop soooooon(-__-") God bless!

Let go, & let God

It's been really long since I wrote an entry..
The last time that I had thoughts of writing one but ended up in ignorance was when I just decided to commit myself into a new r/s during last year end..

But now, I'm single.
Look how life changes drastically for me?
I doubt myself now.

Didn't really understand how my life picture would look like until I'm damn determine this time.
Determine to leave my ex,
Real determine to do well in my studies,
Sincerely determine to stay in chc, go back to my cg and have a closer r/s with God
Determined to be a more humble person in terms of forgiving others ( which is so damn hard..)

Forgiving others is a highest morality excellence.



I can't say too soon that I had forgiven them..


But I've learnt this lesson in 2012 very well..
Which is..
To let go, & let God.


Xoxo
Cherlyn,

The value of a truth depends upon on each individual who holds it .

Considering i have reach a new turning point of life . I shall come back to this deadly place again. I've resigned from my previous stubborn job that caged my youths for 3 years . Thus I feel a sense of fulfilment leaving that shit ground that once saved my breath for the first , and also grabbing my breath by threaten. I never gave in even through the last time . I'm proud of myself , and those who loved me. Hence, I haven't have up on life . Although discouraged, I decided to pick up my feet once again . For myself ,my loved ones and Kinno. Who's aging and teeth dropping all over , still smiling sitting beside me even when I'm blogging . My best friend Kinno. Depression hits me easily , but I drove it away almost a blink of an eye. Because Jesus Christ Saves . And he seeks me even through my toughest period of my life . His grace taught me to Forgive. There's a verse 1 John 5 :4-5 which I read and always skip it through Cus I didnt understand how I could encourage me . Cus Jesus himself comes out victorious , I'm like so what ?? But I slowly understand that becaus the suffered through all those tribulations alone in flesh , we can also do . With the help of his support system. Rejoice in Hope , patient in tribulations and be consitant in prayer . For now I'm gonna continue my journey is psychology . Till then ! Cher;;

Sickness please fcuk of you fcuking fcuk . Zzzzzzzz!!!

There was an instance when I thought I have gone through enough to be courageous, but clearly it is not so. I am forevermore so doubtful and prudent of my next steps, never bold enough to venture, never taking risks; always afraid of falling. Perhaps my mind has grown accustomed, cognizant, that no one is going to be there if I do fall, and I have not so much strength in me for failed attempts, for “if at first you don’t succeed, try again”




I don't wanna engulf myself in any remorse .
I've got into too much melancholy .
Now , I must not disappoint .




Today , I have the say .
-Cherlyn ,.

I start to think of you .

and .. love is sucha crazy thang .

everything is so clear and blue when you're not around .?

LOL...